Comments on: Hello Jones http://thedarkeagle.com/hello-jones/ Tue, 20 Jul 2010 12:16:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Ronda Levine http://thedarkeagle.com/hello-jones/comment-page-1/#comment-192 Ronda Levine Fri, 21 Aug 2009 20:09:22 +0000 http://thedarkeagle.com/?p=64#comment-192 Very nice. I like how the story moves forward and how you created suspense. Very nice. I like how the story moves forward and how you created suspense.

]]> By: Violet Hilton http://thedarkeagle.com/hello-jones/comment-page-1/#comment-191 Violet Hilton Fri, 21 Aug 2009 15:31:14 +0000 http://thedarkeagle.com/?p=64#comment-191 Perfectly chilling. The setup was great and the characters poignant. Loved the dialogue too! Reading this made me feel a lot of the same things I did when watching Heart of America. Perfectly chilling. The setup was great and the characters poignant. Loved the dialogue too! Reading this made me feel a lot of the same things I did when watching Heart of America.

]]> By: Tiffany Herr http://thedarkeagle.com/hello-jones/comment-page-1/#comment-183 Tiffany Herr Mon, 17 Aug 2009 15:26:03 +0000 http://thedarkeagle.com/?p=64#comment-183 Great opening line. I couldn't wait to see what was going to happen! The dialog was very real. You've done a great job of creating the characters in such a way I felt I kind of knew them. I could really picture the whole thing. Very nicely done. Great opening line. I couldn’t wait to see what was going to happen! The dialog was very real. You’ve done a great job of creating the characters in such a way I felt I kind of knew them. I could really picture the whole thing. Very nicely done.

]]> By: Annie http://thedarkeagle.com/hello-jones/comment-page-1/#comment-182 Annie Mon, 17 Aug 2009 02:06:57 +0000 http://thedarkeagle.com/?p=64#comment-182 The opening of a short story is the clincher, the hook to drag your reader in.. and yours wholeheartedly drags them into the world you built. You captured the teenage angst of cliques and gangs beautifully - presenting it neatly packages as a "prepubescent terrorist cell". Incredibly sad, poignant and striking. You need to get this entered into a competition! A bit of editing, fine tuning etc and this will be a polished and very strong piece. On my quest to try different genres each week, mine this week is influenced by Cyberpunk. http://annieevett.blogspot.com/2009/08/cold-cobblestones.html The opening of a short story is the clincher, the hook to drag your reader in.. and yours wholeheartedly drags them into the world you built.

You captured the teenage angst of cliques and gangs beautifully – presenting it neatly packages as a “prepubescent terrorist cell”. Incredibly sad, poignant and striking.

You need to get this entered into a competition! A bit of editing, fine tuning etc and this will be a polished and very strong piece.

On my quest to try different genres each week, mine this week is influenced by Cyberpunk. http://annieevett.blogspot.com/2009/08/cold-cobblestones.html

]]> By: Tammy http://thedarkeagle.com/hello-jones/comment-page-1/#comment-178 Tammy Sat, 15 Aug 2009 07:27:48 +0000 http://thedarkeagle.com/?p=64#comment-178 OMG that was scary! OMG that was scary!

]]> By: Stephen Book http://thedarkeagle.com/hello-jones/comment-page-1/#comment-177 Stephen Book Sat, 15 Aug 2009 04:05:08 +0000 http://thedarkeagle.com/?p=64#comment-177 Wow, what an ending. Like Greta, I have to say how true this one rings. The dialogue was spot-on, the stare-down at the end added to the tension. You did a fine job of keeping me riveted to the screen. Good work. Wow, what an ending. Like Greta, I have to say how true this one rings. The dialogue was spot-on, the stare-down at the end added to the tension. You did a fine job of keeping me riveted to the screen. Good work.

]]> By: judy b. http://thedarkeagle.com/hello-jones/comment-page-1/#comment-176 judy b. Fri, 14 Aug 2009 23:42:15 +0000 http://thedarkeagle.com/?p=64#comment-176 Did not see that coming - but we all should, really. A cautionary tale. Did not see that coming – but we all should, really. A cautionary tale.

]]> By: J. M. Strother http://thedarkeagle.com/hello-jones/comment-page-1/#comment-175 J. M. Strother Fri, 14 Aug 2009 23:39:54 +0000 http://thedarkeagle.com/?p=64#comment-175 Well done. The proper mix of humor and horror. "A real live dead body" - fantastic. The end, so very chilling. ~jon Well done. The proper mix of humor and horror. “A real live dead body” – fantastic. The end, so very chilling.
~jon

]]> By: Dan Powell http://thedarkeagle.com/hello-jones/comment-page-1/#comment-174 Dan Powell Fri, 14 Aug 2009 21:26:53 +0000 http://thedarkeagle.com/?p=64#comment-174 The description of Boris in the closing section is gripping. Tense stuff at the end there. The description of Boris in the closing section is gripping. Tense stuff at the end there.

]]> By: Greta http://thedarkeagle.com/hello-jones/comment-page-1/#comment-173 Greta Fri, 14 Aug 2009 19:57:31 +0000 http://thedarkeagle.com/?p=64#comment-173 Excellent and haunting story. So sad and too true. Excellent and haunting story. So sad and too true.

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