Author’s note: My esteemed editor, Jodi Cleghorn asked me to write a story called “Splat” and dedicate it to her. So, Jodi, this one’s for you, though I bet you wish it weren’t.
So far it’s been one hell of a day. I mean who would have ever thought so much crap could happen to one person in only 24 hours. It all started this morning when my alarm clock didn’t go off. Apparently the power was cut off to my apartment after some drunk driver plowed through a stop sign and sent a family sedan into a utility pole. So now I’m late getting up but somehow manage to get out the door. No problem, if I drive fast enough I can still make my meeting. But no, luck shat on me again. I’m on the freeway making good time when traffic slows to a crawl because apparently, there’s a five car pile up. And according to the radio one of the cars is on fire with several people trapped inside. There goes any chance of my making the meeting.
So now I’m out of a job but maybe it’s all for the best. My supervisor’s a dick and I’m getting bored with calculating statistical probabilities anyway. I take the first exit I can and leave my crap-box Ford in the first parking lot I find. I may as well head downtown and grab a bite to eat, grab a paper and see what’s available in the help wanted ads. But before I can even get to my favorite Korean bar-b-que, the apartment building next to me catches on fire. I’m about to walk on past, thinking it’s got nothing to do with me, when all of a sudden I hear a woman screaming my name. So naturally I look up. It’s some woman I don’t recognize. I turn to walk away and hear her scream “Hepmabebe”
I’m tying to figure out what she’s screaming, thinking it must be some French word for help, when she tosses something out the window. So now here I am, hungry, no job, and now there’s a
baby mystery bundle hurtling towards me at an alarming rate. Why does this always happen to me.
If he catches the baby turn to page 47 or, turn to page 81 if you want the rapidly descending object to be a bag of cash.
Please seek immediate psychological help if you want the story to live up to its name.