The Warden

“Lemme telly ya buddy, girls like Claire don’t usually hook up with the likes of me. I’m not what you would call ‘boyfriend material’; I’m more a means to an end. Now, I can usually tell if a chick wants my help or wants my company but sometimes even I misread the signs.

See, it’s hard to say no to a perfect 10 pleading for help. Especially if that perfect 10 is a friggin witch. Bet you didn’t know that half their magic ain’t even magic at all, it’s just straight up seduction, man. Feminine wiles, ya know? They stand real close, so close you can smell the salty tang of their skin and feel the heat pulsating off them. And they breath in your ear. I’m a sucker for that ear thing. Man, they drip sex from every pore. Hell, lots of things get hard when they do that. Especially if you’re like me.

How’s that beer? Barkeep! Another beer for my friend here, por favor.

Anyway, back to the shotguns and my pretty head. It all centered around her asshole ex-husband and some fancy ring. There’s always an ex-husband and he’s usually an asshole. In this case the ass du jour left Claire for a younger woman, and stole her family’s signet ring. I guess this thing has been passed down to the eldest daughters in her family for centuries. I tracked him and this damn ring all over the country. From Bar Harbor, Maine, where he left her, to a fancy-ass garden in Pasadena. I’m getting ahead of myself.

Hey gimme those beer nuts, man. Thanks.

Yeah so, Claire said she needed a ring and I was going to get her one. I bought a replacement to take her mind off her stolen one. I didn’t skimp on it either. It was pretty expensive, but I have connections. I guess the gesture meant a lot to her, ‘cause that night we made love. Yeow momma, tasting the salt on her skin was even better than smelling it. She said she still needed her particular ring and after that night nothing was going to stop me from getting it. She did this thing with her… never mind.

Like I was saying, I finally found him holed up in this fancy-shmancy hotel. I dug in for the usual extended stake out and surveillance, but Claire didn’t want to wait. She walks right into the lobby and uses her little witchy-hocus-pocus-sex-dripping-thingy to trick the desk clerk into giving us a key. I never even thought of tryin’ that. Probably ‘cause most guys aren’t interested in my drippy sex. Anyways, I could tell right away we weren’t the only ones after this guy. My first clue was that the door was wide open and the room was torn apart. Told ya I’m good.

More beer here!

So, right in the middle of all that mess is this big pile of ash. It looked to me like her ex-husband had burnt whatever those other dudes were after. So, Claire starts kicking the pile of ashes looking for God knows what. Then it hits me. Damn, that ain’t no pile of burnt paper, it’s the asshole. No shit, that’s what I said.”

Hey! I said beer me, pal. Thanks a-mundo.

We asked around town, me using some muscle and Clair using some more of them wiles of hers, and found out who came after him. Some old dude I never heard of. We found him in the botanical gardens a few days later.

I don’t know. Maybe he liked flowers or something. Hell, some people need to be around nature. It revitalizes them. Maybe it was that. How the hell should I know? Anyway that’s where he was when we found him. Never did catch his name but he had enough scratch to hire some really good body guards. I’m guessin ex-military. They got the drop on us, which is pretty embarrassing. So there we were, some old dude I never met is twenty feet away from me wearing the ring I vowed to get for the most beautiful woman ever to screw my brains out and two dickheads have shotguns pointed at me. Not my finest hour.

So I says to the old dude, “Sorry about the inconvenience, her asshole ex-husband stole it, bla, bla, bla, so if you just hand it over we’ll be happy to compensate you for your trouble.” Right?

So the creepy old dude pays no attention to me and looks right at Clair and says “I’m surprised you didn’t fill your new plaything in on the game.” He was mocking her. It pissed me right the fuck off. And so did Clair for that matter. I can’t believe I fell for the oldest trick in the book. Friggin witches.

So I figure screw this noise. I’m done playin nice. Bam! I start kickin ass. It wasn’t even a fair fight. The shotguns melted like soft wax and the two dickheads pointing them were just humans. Snap – snap. Done. The old guy was a different story though. Fortunately for me he hadn’t been wearing the ring long, so it only took a little mid-level magic to kill him. I used a nifty little vanquishing spell I picked up during the revolutionary war. I might keep Clair around for a while. You never know, having a witch around can be handy. This ring is pretty powerful too.

Hey buddy where you going? You gonna finish that beer? Ha, humans.”

Author’s Note: It’s getting closer to November and I need to explore some characters and I wanted to post some #fridayflash. So having only one stone to cast I decided to chuck it a two birds. Let me know if you like him, hate him or just don’t care about him. I haven’t named him yet. I’m open to suggestions. Thanks for reading.

39 thoughts on “The Warden

  1. This would NOT be a leading character in one of my books -but he would make a great supporting character, someone who is submissive to his master but then “takes control” when the boss is away. Didn’t like his use of the “F” word, but that’s a personal issue with me. “Slimy” is a word I would use for him – I would name him something like “Rosco” or “Vinnie.” Good job – great twist.

    • Thanks Tina. Sorry about the “F” word, but that’s how loud cocky drunk guys with powerful magic tend to talk. Or at least this guy. Thanks for your support. Your a great friend.

  2. Wow, he’s one tough cookie! He is what he is. I think that maybe he should have a non-tough name as a juxtaposition. Like Teddy, which brings us images of soft, fluffy, bears. Except he turns out to be of the Grizzly kind!

    One heads up…from the ninth paragraph down, you’ve left off the “e” at the end of Claire’s name.

    Good job!

  3. I think he’s an excellent character. His voice is strong. I think he’d work best in a short story. If you decide to put him in a longer piece make sure to balance out with an equally strong character in the hmmm..what’s the word…humility (?) Category. I tend to lean towards edgy and unformuliac (real word?) so perhaps my thoughts aren’t with the majority. Good luck with this.

    • Thanks Jodi, point well taken. He is going to be around some very powerful characters, several of which are humble and not quite such braggarts.

  4. HA! I laughed my ass off here:

    “Probably ‘cause most guys aren’t interested in my drippy sex.”

    I don’t know what these other guys are talking about, but I love him. He reminds me very much of Bruce Campbell in Army of Darkness or even Hellboy. There are plenty of “douchey” characters we have grown to love and have made it to cult icon status. I would be interested to read more of his story.


    • Thanks 2. Glad you found that line funny. Bruce Campbell was a definite inspiration for this character, so thanks for picking up that reference.

  5. Well, I liked him enough to keep reading the story! He wouldn’t be on my friendship list, but he’s definitely an interesting character. You did a great job with creating an entire story here through his one-sided dialogue and point of view. Like 2mara I laughed at that one line… I’d name him Drippy now!

  6. This dude is assertive like cayenne. Lots of potential with this character. Abrasive personality, which could work for a short. But for a longer story… I don’t like him. Why is he so in your face? Give me an inkling of the reason for his anger and I’ll bite. Make me empathize just a tad and then he’s a full-blown protag. Even as an antag, give me a little reason to like him just a teeny bit so I’ll want to hang with him for the long haul.

    Really enjoyed. Peace, Linda

    • Thanks Linda. You bring up a great point. He absolutely has some very redeemable qualities that weren’t brought out in this short piece. I hope that once he is fully developed he will become a very likable guy.

  7. Okay, maybe it’s my soft spot for bad boys, but I like him. I wouldn’t date him, mind, and hanging with him is liable to get oneself in a heap of trouble. I agree with 2 — he does remind me of Bruce Campbell. I think he could carry a longer work as a leading character, as long as he has some kind of redeeming quality to make him more sympathetic or likeable. Such as, maybe he loves his mother, or maybe he has a soft spot in the extreme for little kitties. Heh.

    Great job — I really enjoyed this and look forward to more!!

    • Thanks Netta. Bad boys eh? Well he certainly comes across as a bad boy, but in the end he has a soft heart. It just didn’t have room to shine in this vignette.

  8. I like him! Has his own strong voice, very(overly?) confident and a bit of a jerk, seems like a character that would be helpful in adding some comic relief to a story.

  9. I like this guy. He made me laugh in places and let’s face it, if any one of us was this powerful who wouldn’t trun into an asshole. He would make a great lead in the style of John Constantine from Hellblazer, (the comics character not the sucky Keanu portrayal). Whether you make him a main or secondary character, he’s definitely a keeper.

  10. I have to admit I want to know more about Clair, but he does have an appealing aspect too. I agree with the Bruce Campbell reference (and Campbell is a cool name). My interest was definitely piqued when he made the Revolutionary war reference, so I can imagine a great backstory to add to the character development. Love good witchy stories! good luck 🙂

    • Thank you Janflora. I’m not too sure what will be happening to Claire. I think she’ll be sticking around for a while. After all, the Warden has her ring.

  11. For some reason he made me think of Brom Bones from The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (yes, as portrayed in the theater of my mind by Bruce Campbell). What about a slightly archaic and sly name like… Brom?

  12. I like him.
    I see him as the “working class” person who ended up as a wizard/magic-powered person by accident or through trickery of some sort (for surely they only accept the upper echelons of society into their ranks?!)
    Well, the short piece was enough to give me a very clear picture of this fellow.

    I think he should be referred to by his surname, which should be something like Jones or Smith – in the sense that it could have been anyone…

    • Thank you mazzz. I’m not 100% on his origin just yet or exactly how the magic is going to work in this world. I like the surname idea – kinds a adds some mystery about him. BTW Leeds Castle is one of my favorite castles, though I haven’t been for about 9 years. Thanks for commenting.

  13. I can see him as a main character. I do think in a longer piece you’ll need to let readers get under the hood, show his motivations and nuances, but for a introductory character study this worked well.

    The switheroo at the end was a fun turn of events. This guy will make lots of enemies, so there should be plenty of story in him.

  14. Well, he’s definitely amusing! I was a bit confused at the end that he had powers, only because he seems like such an uneducated guy. I don’t mean that in the traditional sense, I mean like if he was “special” than wouldn’t he have been around the world enough to gain some culture and be a bit more suave? BUT, if he just gained these powers recently by some fluke, that would explain it. I do like that he has these powers, just not sure it meshes with his character. Hope I explained that right. I do think you have something here.

  15. Good story. I think with some backstory and redeeming qualities, this guy could be leading character material. He comes off a bit brash here, but with more words to work with, he could be a good one.

  16. I like the voice of this character. I think he might be a good fit for a short story (if he’s the MC) or as a secondary, comic-relief character in a larger piece. Too much of him wouldn’t work for a novel. As far as a name, I recommend you avoid the cliché by giving him a double name like Billy Bob or Jimmy Joe. You might give him something more sophisticated, like Xavier or Alexander, to create some intereseting back story as the name clearly wouldn’t fit the character. Just a suggestion.

    Thanks for sharing.

  17. Voting Yea – I like him for all the reasons listed in previous comments. I think he worked great for this piece because he’s in a bar and talkin tough with bar folk, making me think that isn’t all there is to this guy and to give him some latitude. Obviously, he has a softer side because he bought Claire a replacement ring – in bar speak he countered the possible romantic aspect by throwing in some macho “got me laid” stuff, but it was still a nice thing to do. If he was as gauche as some find him, I doubt he would have done much more than made a rough pass at her. Anyhoo – I like him. 😀

  18. I’m a sucker for that ear thing too, and I like to do it, so I was hooked right away.

    My only critique would be that his speech patterns seemed forced…at first I thought he was drunk but then I realized that you wanted him to sound rough. I think that he could sound rough and tumble without having to sound country.

    I actually liked him. And I liked the story a lot. Looking forward to see what you do with it. I see him in a hat. [and he likes bubblebaths….]

    Karen :0)

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