That damn intercom always interrupts me just as I’m about to fall asleep.
“This better be important.” I say double checking that I pressed audio only.
“Sir, sensors have picked up a large aircraft approaching sector four at high speed. The silhouette does not match any known craft.”
“I assume they haven’t responded to any requests to identify themselves.”
“No response, sir. Ready-One-Interceptors are online and ready for deployment.”
“Launch drones, surveillance only. I’m on my way.”
“Aye, sir. Launching now. ETA for visual contact, ten minutes.”
I jump out of my bunk and pull my uniform back on. It’s still warm. I’ll need to run to get to the observatory before the interceptors make contact. I hate running. I wait a second outside the door to the observatory to catch my breath and collect myself before entering. I open the doors and step into the disciplined chaos of the tactical defense room.
“Sir, the interceptor’s cameras are coming online now.”
The screen snaps on and I’m looking at a massive gunship with no recognizable markings. “Send a screen-cap of this to Geneva and put me through to the United Nations.” The interceptor cameras go black before my order can be carried out. This isn’t going to end well, I can tell.
“Sir, the unknown ship has shot down both interceptors.”
“Launch everything we’ve got. Set condition Red.”
Sirens begin waking the troops as a prerecorded voice bursts out of the public address system. “ATTENTION ALL PERSONNEL. BATTLE STATIONS-BATTLE STATIONS! PREPARE FOR IMMINENT ATTACK!” I turn back to the com officer. “Get the United Nations on line now!”
“On main viewer, sir.”
I look up at the main monitor and see the entire UN war council staring me down. The prime minister is standing in front. He has a cocky smirk on his face.
“Commander Figgiebottom, I’m sure by now you are aware of the heavily armed gunship heading your way?”
“You know about this?”
“Yes of course, Commander, we sent it. We’ve had enough of your flagrant disregard for our laws. The human race has lived under your oppressive rule for thousands of years. We’re sick of you mandating our behavior by threatening to withhold your precious gifts if we do not comply with your rigorous definition of good behavior. We insist you surrender to us immediately or we will destroy you.”
I try to stall for time. “We have an agreement, Prime Minister, you don’t want to do this. I’m sure we can figure this out.”
“The time for talking is over! Surrender now or we will attack.”
I inhale deeply and allow the extra oxygen to clear my head. Without another word I cut communication with the United Nations and address my men.
“Tell all aircraft to go weapons hot. I want that gunship out of my sky.”
The main door opens and one of the guards addresses the room, “Captain on deck!” I join the others in salute.
“What’s the situation, Commander?”
After all these years it falls to me to deliver the news.
“The United Nations has called for our surrender, sir. Four Thousand years of peace on earth and good will toward men is over. We are at war, Santa. We are at war.”
Oh, no! And just when I’ve been particularly nice not naughty this year.
Commander Figgiebottom? LAUGHING!
Very amusing and did bring the cheer 🙂
Oh no! We can’t be at war with Santa! What about my presents?! Funny story, and well timed reveal. 🙂
“I jump out of my bunk and pull my uniform back on. It’s still warm.” — Look how much this statement says! I’m impressed. And the story was good too!
Ha! Very good. I did not see that coming. 🙂
I paused at your choice of name for Commander Figgiebottom, but did not see that coming! Well done. I wasn’t expecting any presents this year anyway… 🙂
LOVED it, LOVED it! Didn’t expect the ending at all, which makes this well-crafted piece even more enjoyable. Great job, Chris!
Stupid Santa. Always ruining everything.
It our time now!
Fabulous. Love Commander Figgiebottom. My fave FF thus far. Peace, Linda
“That damn intercom always interrupts me just as I’m about to fall asleep.” something about to happen and I sure didn’t see it coming… a fun story and I echo Laura, I didn’t expect any presents this year either….
ROFL!!! Brilliant! Just what I needed – you’ve cheered me up no end. 😀
I didn’t see it coming, either, and I’m glad for once I hadn’t just had a sip of coffee before hitting it. VERY clever, Chris! Loved it!
I was thinking of a diffrent ending. Very good; very timely and just really funny.
I’m not sure if this story counts as naughty or nice behavior but I liked it!
Brilliant! Just brilliant!
Excellent!! Very funny and as Amy says well-timed reveal
Haha. Leave it to the human race to screw up peace. Good twist and good story overall.
I’ve been sick of Santa’s crap for years. It’s about time.
I’m sitting here giggling at the end. Not at all what I expected. 🙂 Very well done!
Haha, I was totally clueless as to what was going on until the very last line 😛
Somehow, I was expecting the ending. Figgiebottom? The commander’s name is my favorite part.
That was priceless. I love the twist!
Loved the twisted ending, never saw it coming. Wonderful.