Today I stopped counting and started trying to find you. There was no point in looking for you in the numbers anymore. One hundred days or one thousand, what does it matter? The days won’t ever stop coming no matter how hard I wish it. They create such a divide. My mind isn’t able conquer mountains that size. Life is for the living. That’s the problem with this mortal coil. So I stopped counting and started seeking.
I know where you are in the world, where you hide your face. I used to go there often, but it’s not you. You kept hiding until I started seeking. I realize now you’re not really sitting this one out. I watch you running with your sisters in the sun and drawing pictures in the sand of our beach. I see you in footballs and boats, jackknifes and forts in the woods.
I lift my head from the crook of my elbow where I buried it all those years ago and open my eyes. I’m done counting now and it’s all-in-come-free. I see you there, beaming out. Nothing, not even the weight of the earth, can keep you from me.
Author’s Note: This weeks prompt was “start your story with a game of hide and seek”. I hope you enjoy this week’s piece.
I like this. Very powerful. The whole piece is just resonant.
Wow – you grabbed me immediately – right from line one. Amazing. My heart started pounding and I was enthralled. Great job, as always!
And let life now commence! I’m glad he stopped counting. 🙂
Very poetic and profound. Good job!
That’s my two pence…
Very emotional. I loved this line: I lift my head from the crook of my elbow where I buried it all those years ago and open my eyes.
Hopeful. I like that.
This was very gripping, I felt like they were holding onto someone and finally letting go for that release.
This is prose poetry, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Full of beautiful language and imagery. For me, one of the most powerful bits is the very first word – ‘Today…’
Very emotional! I lost a good wife to a younger man at one time. When reading your peace, it sent me back to the days that I was waiting, counting the days till she’d come back, but finally I also lifted my head from the bend of my elbo, waiting and mourning for her for so long, I finally had to quit counting and waiting simply because I realized I’d be better off without her. To put it simply true love would have never ended the way this did. It wasn’t love at all on her part. What a beautiful peace you have here. I applaud your writing ability.
I agree with Pippa, this piece has a very prose-poetry-esque feel to it. I really enjoyed it. 🙂
Chris: In the best of flash fiction, as Pippa points out, this is prose poetry. Loved the feeling of counting forever (foolishly and without result) before he sets off to find her. Stop counting, dude, and chase her down!
Liked this one, Chris. Full of hope and new resolve. Almost poetry.
Sorry it took me so long to get around. Had a very busy weekend.
I’m a little late… sorry.
This is short but sweet. I am incredibly anxious… I hope he finds her soon.
I’m even later….. a tender, thought provoking piece. Slim yet dense.
Chris, I gave you an award on my blog http://www.2mara.com