I’m Green Because I Hate You.

Hey it’s Earth Day. Happy Earth Day. Wow, Earth Day. It seems like only yesterday it was Earth Day. I’m working under the assumption (as are most people, apparently) that simply acknowledging Earth Day will somehow make any kind of difference. It seems to me that the best way to help the Earth is to not go green. This may even be the shortest route to world peace. Follow my logic here. If we all started leaving our lights on, cranking the heat/air conditioning up and driving ridiculously large SUVs then together we could deplete the world’s oil supply, thereby forcing clean energy into the forefront. Aren’t we fighting a war for oil now, or was it terrorism? I can’t remember, never mind. We can’t fight over something that isn’t there. Current protest strategies by individuals, small interest groups and grassroots efforts will never change big oil. There is simply too much money in the oil business for them to care about popular opinion. So let’s beat them at their own game. Consume the product so voraciously that it just goes away.

Aright, calm down. I know I’m over simplifying this and yes, I know that just about everything in our modern world including agriculture, food manufacturing, medicine, the economy etc, etc, is based around oil. I also know it’s not feasible for us to burn all the oil that’s left on the planet just by driving more and turning up the heat. Can’t you people recognize satire for crying out loud?

OK, you’re breathing normally again? Let’s continue. There are a lot of interesting articles floating around the internet concerning peak oil.  Read them. They are actually quite interesting. It doesn’t help that a lot of the good information initially was given by a bunch of activist eco-dinks. You know the type; they mean well but are so impassioned about their ideology that they feel compelled to stand in your personal space while they espouse their rhetoric. All the while looking slightly confused as to why you aren’t signing any of the 12 partitions they have on their clipboards which are conveniently equipped with a piece of hemp twine tied to a soy-based ink pen. You just want to stuff their esophagus with granola bars to shut them up for ten seconds and seriously explain to them that many people find the smell of Patchouli slightly off-putting. They are actually getting in they way of the message they are trying to give. In fairness to the eco-dinks, many people, myself included, actually agree with many of the points they are trying to make. Here is a sad reality that many of us learned long ago: you have to fit into society for society to listen to you. Fortunately there are some legitimate news programs and shows hosted by celebrities and experts, like on the Planet Green network, that are starting to get noticed and gain real credibility. Oh yeah, didn’t Al Gore make a documentary about something important?

Despite my angst and cynicism, when it’s all said and done I just can’t help myself. Doing things that are good for the environment makes me feel good. Besides, you know as well as I do that it’s not money which moves us into action, but inconvenience. Until it is a real pain in the ass for us we won’t demand any sort of changes. “Experts” say it won’t be a pain in the ass for us for about 50 years so screw it. We’ll just bury our heads in the oil soaked sand and wait it out. Despite how much I want to despoil our resources so we are forced into the inconvenience that will start changing things for the better I just can’t bring myself to do it. I guess the ends don’t justify the means after all. So there you have it, plant a tree, recycle, drive big cars and leave your lights on. Oh, and happy Earth Day.

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